I took my girlfriend to an improv show the other night and during intermission we were passionately arguing over whether half a 5 Hour Energy shot would give you 2.5 hours of energy or 5 hours of half-assed energy so we turned around to ask the opinions of the three people behind us and one of them said “Are all your arguments like this because we heard you in the lobby earlier fighting over the right way to pronounce ‘egg’?”
i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed
i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police
*precisely determines where i should take the next bite of my sandwich*
(Source: secyass, via this--too--shall--pass)
horny like a brony
what the fuck is this doing in the crotchboobs tag
What the fuck are you doing on the crotchboobs tag?
livin life, bein myself
everyone is embarrassed of their fourteen year old self trust me if you’re fourteen right now you will regret whatever it is that you are doing at this moment
What, being a SuperWhoLockian, Tumblrian, and just being generally pretty good? I don’t think so.
screenshot this and look at it in 3 years
this guy in my class said his brother lost his wallet in Canada and someone shipped it back with souvenirs